Not that I have actually tried closing my laptop and turning off the lights. Does it make sense that I feel like I don't have the energy to do that? I have to get up in 6 and a half hours; that will be fun.
Anyway, college crap (what else?) is suddenly stressing me out. I was looking at Daniel's post about diabetes and how stuff that's out of his control is affecting his life and it brought me back to some old worries I haven't really thought about in a while.
I'm scared, because Criminal Justice is such a specific major. It pretty much feeds into policing and security, and isn't good for much else. I'm pretty sure I want to be a cop, but how do I know I won't get to my first day on the job and hate it? My desire to help others looks so great on the surface, but surely I'll get bored of solving non-violent domestic disputes and filing reports after everything I do.
And even if I love the job, I may not be able to do it. SJ's and SC's departments will accept me with the eyesight I have, but will anywhere else? And what if my eyesight degenerates rapidly around age 30, like it has with everyone in my family with optic atrophy? It will get much, much worse than 20/40, the minimum requirement for some of the most flexible police departments out there. Then what? I get fired for the genes I inherited from my father? Even if I'm allowed to continue working, is it worth putting my life, my coworkers' lives, and innocent victims' lives on the line because my vision won't be good enough to aim and shoot where I need to?
Then what good is a bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice? I have very little interest in any other areas of the justice system, and my education and training will be useless in any other professions. I like editing, and am quite good at it, but I know I could never get a job as an editor without any kind of degree in English (and no way am I doing all the reading and writing it takes to get one). I like acting, but that is a laughable backup career, and I know I'm not talented enough to make much (or any) money at it anyway. I like sports, but my eyesight will affect that too, and my body is decrepit enough as it is.
I don't have a ton of choice at this point, since I've already applied to my schools as a CJ major. But there's nothing I
want to switch to, anyway. Criminal justice is the path I want to pursue, I'm just afraid that obstacles out of my control will prevent me and I don't really have any kind of backup plan.
And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok.
Yeah, I try to believe you.
But I don't.
I don't know how I'll feel,
Tomorrow, tomorrow.
I don't know what to say.
Tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day.
Gimme a little time.
Leave me alone a little while.
Maybe it's not too late.
Not today...
Comments (1)
Just do what you want to do, what you think you'll be good at, and what you think will be a good career for you. I know it seems like everything will go wrong and there's only one option at this point, but things can change, and they can change a lot. You'll be okay, and hopefully I'll be there to help you out. I wish I could say more, but you're arriving in like 2 minutes and I haven't showered yet!